A new kind of children's book
Rob Price

I've read complaints the Democratic Party has lost its way, that the only big idea Democrats have to offer is their opposition to anything George Bush is in favor of.

Well, I'm here to say that's all hogwash.

How do I know this? Because during a recent, very busy day at work, I came across a new book that shows how the Democratic Party is still the party of Franklin Roosevelt and the New Deal.

The book is called "Why Mommy is a Democrat" (I am not making this up). It's written by Jeremy Zilber and illustrated by Yuliya Firsova, who draws happy Democratic families consisting of squirrels. The squirrels are very cute and cuddly, just like Democrats.

The drawings accompany simple explanations of what Democrats have believed for the last 70 years. One drawing, for instance, shows a happy squirrel mother looking out of the window while her two squirrel children play with blocks (watched by a happy mouse). The caption says, "Democrats make sure we all share our toys, just like Mommy does." In another drawing, the cute squirrel mother helps her children get ready for school. The caption notes: "Democrats make sure children can go to school, just like Mommy does."

And just in case you miss the point, each drawing includes a background sketch of a human family doing things one suspects are very un- Democratic. While the squirrel mother makes sure her baby squirrels share their toys, a snooty-looking man and woman carry a poodle past a sad looking man sitting on a bench. And while the squirrel mother packs her children off to school, the same snooty-looking couple stand with their son, who is dressed in graduation robes and holding a diploma. A nearby sign reads: "Admission $160,000."

Finally, for the really obtuse among us, the cute squirrel mother holds her squirrel babies away from a road along which a huge elephant lumbers. The caption says, "Democrats make sure we are always safe, just like Mommy does."

If you are wondering whether "Why Mommy is a Democrat" is a book for children, you are correct. "'Why Mommy is a Democrat"' is a sweet children's tale that reminds us why we are all Democrats. I loved it," gushes Lizz Winstead, co-creator of The Daily Show, in a blurb. And Thom Hartmann of Air America Radio calls it "a marvelous child-friendly introduction to the values of Democrats."

Meanwhile, my wife, who teaches a course in children's literature at Alfred University, is thinking of including the book on her syllabus.

Obviously, the people who created "Why Mommy is a Democrat" haven't heard the news that the Democratic Party has lost its moorings. The important question is, why haven't some clever Republicans come up with a competing volume? As a registered Independent who has no dog in this fight, I would suggest my conservative friends put their heads together and come up with an appropriate response. Something along the lines of "Why Daddy is a Republican."

The text should illustrate some of the basic Republican axioms in the same pithy style as "Why Mommy is a Democrat." Such as:

+ "Republicans make sure no one gives our favorite toy to someone else, just like Daddy does."

+ "Republicans make sure we go to the school we want to attend (even if it costs $160,000), just like Daddy does."

+ "Republicans make sure we can sell lemonade for five cents a glass and not pay unnecessary income taxes, just like Daddy does."

I asked my wife what kind of animals she would suggest to represent Republican families, and she said, "ferrets." I disagree. I think some cute elephants would be appropriate and consistent with traditional Republican symbolism. But we could also be non-traditional and try something else. I might suggest leopards. Leopards are beautiful animals, just like Republicans. They're also great hunters who don't ask for government hand-outs. They just go out and catch something (like a baby squirrel) and eat it.

The problem is, and I'm sure you've spotted it, no Republican-minded person has rolled up their sleeves and produced the kind of book I have in mind. This should be worrisome for the GOP. The Democrats clearly are one step ahead in this particular culture war.

Memo to Republicans: Start hunting.